Crossing the state line from Georgia to Florida opened like the Gates of St Peter's Heaven. We checked in at the Florida Welcome Center and a nice lady gave us paper cups with FREE fresh squeezed citrus! I've read the Oregon legislature was considering free doobies but that bill is still stuck in committee so we are going with Florida for the best state line welcome and all it's imperfect splendor.

Orange snizzles and warm weather await

Florida: a land built for RV living. All roads are straight. There are no hills. The weather makes a lack of insulation less concerning. Overall it appears that easy living & gentle weather allow a greater density of Darwin Award Honorable Mentions to reside within the state. It's just harder in Florida to get killed by walking blind drunk into a snow drift. The 'just getting by' bar for living is a little lower here. Just don't make anyone feel threatened because they might need to stand their ground.

But in all seriousness, you grouches stuck sipping your bitter latte in a dark corner of the Kafka Korner Kaffe should lighten up a bit & come hang in the lowest state in America. The wetlands here are everywhere, the wading herons, the hella bright Tequila sunsets. Flip flops as the state shoe. The whole place is about six inches above sea level. It's just a big Gulf sand bar off of Mexico. Sure there's a little ticky tacky and yes there is a city of 80,000 people named Town 'N' Country, FL. But today, January 11 it's 70F, so suck it! I'm wearing a sporty tank top, Puddin' is chasing sand crabs & I hear it's Winter in America till like, Tax Day. There's a reason Florida is now the third most populous state in the Union, and y'all just jealous ;)

After a month drinking fresh grapefruit snizzles, we must climb back out of the subtropics to head west to Alabama & Louisiana. That's real shit man. Those people are Southern. Floridians? hard to say, but not Southern. Those south of I-10 are a different kind of Southern.

The nation can be thought of as big life form. Each state does something important. Florida is the warm moist lymphatic system of America. Wetlands are crucial to so many birds be they winged or from South Jersey. Because of the warmth, the nuts can blossom here and get out on the water. Jacksonville (supercool city just hanging out by a big river) for instance has an intra-city waterway. I mean you pretty much have to have a boat here & no it's not gonna be a demure 21 foot sail boat. It's an outboard with a fishing rack. I speak truth when I say people drive golf carts around downtown Sanford.

strumming sunbeams

Mormon Heaven is also here as represented by Orlando. Disney owns this town & they don't like RV's. One day while lunching at Davos, Walt Disney said to Sam Walton, "Look, I got all these hotels around my park, I don't want people parking at the Walmart for free. (Gasp?!) As a result there are no safe Walmarts around Orlando & in most of the state for that matter. We must constantly be on the look out for beefy men in blue (actually cops down here wear black) when we avail ourselves of our God given right to park at Walmart. This is Florida's only black mark. I have come to expect a hand out from corporate America. I think it's in the constitution. So please help me in raising awareness that more people in RV's need free stuff like parking in great (warm in January!) states such as this.

Oh and one final note:
is the Florida license plate really just a cock 'N' balls? I mean I've seen that plate for years but I guess I never really *stared* at it until I was surrounded by 'em. But if you think of the orange and well.... the sac, it all crystallizes in one horrific instant and then you're off citrus from the next 24 hours...

Thanks for reading!
Stay cozy.